Emotional Colorblindness

Emotional colorblindness. A light so bright, that instead of seeing you are blinded. The appropriate response was to engage, but I turn away. I turn away. Wrong response.
But its too late. I can't have that moment back. Hell is truth learned too late.

Poetry Neuvo

I AM SO RETARDED

I am so retarded!!

Saw her a few times in Vegas,

Did nothing because of shyness(I was scared).

Then a miracle happens,

I find out who she is.

Now I am retarded^2.

Crazy Woman at Mc Donalds

I wait on the side at McDonalds for my order. Next to me a blonde with big rim purple glasses is attempting to swipe her green credit card. "You have to flip it around you are putting it in the wrong way", I said. Her eyes popped open and jumped right next to me, "I am retarded, I am retarded, I am retarded." She kept saying over and over. It was almost funny but something made me freeze as I could not come back with anything else. It seemed just a bit surreal.
I just stood there and waited for it to be over. There did not seem to be anything I could say. Being retarded is not a word I would chose for anyone, much less for her. Just disoriented. Why all the excitement I could not tell. Then she was getting napkins. I wanted to get some too, but I kept my distance. I did not know what silliness would in sue if I got my napkins at the same time.
She walks away and I get my napkins, and she jumps back next to me. "I need napkins because I am always making a mess," she says. I am helpless. If there was something I could say back to her, it left me abandoned. I could just hope to leave soon enough. Looking back at first, she just did not fit any local job profile. She was out of place.

The Unexplainable

Two chance meetings. The second set off a cascade. A previous chance encounter years before at the Venesian. That was surreal too. I just had pushed it out of my mind, and now its coming back in bits and pieces. An off duty stripper waiting for a bus? She showed interest in me and I remember that I pushed what you looked like out of my mind. Only my subconscious would remember. I was there to do test market research. I was watching a show about Africa. Now I try to play catchup. I don't trust odd happenings in the present. Somehow it does not fit in my comfortable zone of reality. I could not do anything but freeze, and beg for it to be over. My strong suit is going back over things later on. It is my gift, it is my curse.
I was compelled to look at pictures and watch videos over the internet. Different models and celebrities over and over again. I don't even know why I chose them to look at, I just kept doing it for weeks.
Something in my subconscious mind was compelling me. I prayed, I cried, and I could not sleep for days, despite quiting coffee. Again, outside the chance meetings, I had no outside confirmation.
Am I crazy? I wished to God that this was not some craziness. No one would believe me if I told them. How can I prove otherwise? I had this one picture of this young woman. There you were. I never heard of her before. What does she do? I then went to find more with her name.
I have somehow seen through the persona(another miracle itself). Then I looked further for more pictures of you. Different styles and different poses. One picture popped out at me. That was the 'crazy woman' that I saw. I heart started pounding. Is it possible that you wanted me to find you? Some supernatural force did. Plagued with self doubt and loathing, have I burned up some Karma in my search? Am I doing something wrong, am I crossing boundaries when It should remain none of my business?
Watching videos, Many of my values and thoughts I heard reverberated from the mouth of another. Do souls that think alike hear each other over distances? Someone famous said that there are no coincidences. This too must not be one. I did not know how I got there in the first place. Miracles do happen.

My Poem to you

I regret the day,

I pushed you away,

I made you cry,

as you turned your eye,

come back to me,

come back to me,

come back to me,

My Angel.

Le Reve a deux

A Dream of Two